So, I just received a mass-mailed ad from NetGalley about a rape fantasy book.

I don’t even have the words for why this sort of thing is so fucking not okay. Not about the book’s content, or it being marketed —  but that they just blasted it out with no fucking warnings, no targeting, and most importantly AS AN IMAGE so that filters could not even fucking catch it.

Because I have to have filters that filter out rape threats and mail.

Because I am a woman-identifying person online, who has been raped, and has PTSD.

I don’t request books from Berkley. I don’t intend to. So holy shit is it really necessary to make me feel unsafe opening emails from NetGalley?

Naturally, this comes when I have exactly one anxiety pill left. I guess we get to see now if Prazosin is any good for daytime panic attacks as well as nighttime flashbacks.

I hate this. I hate being so upset by something that I should just be able to click delete and be done with. I hate being blindsided, caught with my armour off, and that the reaction is so fucking visceral — vomiting, crying, the whole fucking deal.

I hate being so broken, and every time I feel like I’ve got things taped up, something taking a swing at me without even the slightest consideration that hey, maybe this isn’t the best idea we’ve ever had.

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